CLUTTERMEISTER
  • home
  • virtual services
  • clutteraware
  • speaker
  • clues
    • blog
    • audiovisual
    • publications
    • in the media
    • testimonials
  • contact

Diaries & Journals

21/7/2017

 
Picture
A lot of people keep diaries, and many are custodians for diaries of those who have passed away, those diaries having been passed on as keepsakes, as a way to leave something tangible behind, or simply as a legacy. Whatever the case, diaries are a special kind of book, not unlike the kind of special that we experience these days if someone we know publishes a small volume of prose. There is something about books, but especially about those books that are somehow perceived as more personal.
Let’s look at diaries specifically, because I believe there are a couple of key thoughts to be assigned to diaries. The first question that comes to mind is the reason behind keeping a diary: of course it’s all about writing things down, but going one level deeper an important question beckons:

What’s most important: writing things down or being able to read them later?

Most would probably answer right away that it is meant to be a reminder of important thoughts and occurrences, meaning that it’s all about the reading and experiencing those things once more sometime in the future. This is clearly a reply based on the experience as a writer rather than the reader. Most people are in the process of writing more or less regularly, or recording their lives by other means, like blogs, vlogs, emails to friends, etc. However, the basic concept is the same: everyone thinks that we need these things to remember later on. And that is the motivation to keep writing.

Have you ever read your own diaries? In many cases, the content is either pretty mundane, but often just not interesting (any more). What was a big deal back in the day now pales compared to more recent experiences. There is usually a certain level of embarrassment over the content and most will likely put the diary down soon to move to more interesting items.

Well, let me burst a bubble: while this intention to write and retain is clearly one reason, I believe there is a much more important, underlying, reason for keeping a diary: not so much as a repository of your personal history, but as a means to write about emotions and experiences, in order to help you deal with them.

What’s in there? The good stuff or the bad stuff?

What are we writing down? It’s the personal stuff, right? The things we are embarrassed about and can’t quite tell anyone. The things we are afraid of. The things we feel strongly about. If you think about it, those are the things you may not necessarily want to be reminded of later in life, and most definitely you would not like anyone else to read those pages. Clearly, whatever we write in a diary is not meant to get out, but the point is to write it down. Maybe the point is to clear the mind, put things into perspective, or simply let go of certain horrible things that have happened in life and have left you scarred in some manner.

Of course, if you write about the lovely memories, you want to be reminded of those and it’s brilliant if you can read about them later in life. If, however, you use the diary to write things off your chest, we are looking at a different kind of diary altogether: one that is not so much about recall, but about therapy.

If you find that the latter is the case, maybe there is reason to take another step after writing down. In order to really let go, it would make sense to make those written down phrases disappear, really. Maybe there is room for some kind of ritual that will help you deal better with the bad stuff, like burning the pages after writing them or something along those lines. It certainly makes no sense to keep those texts, pages and pages of bad memories, anywhere near you. The only thing that can come out of this is a feeling of depression and hopelessness.

Good memories are nice to have written down, but not essential: you’ll remember them anyway! Bad memories should be dealt with and then made to disappear: having them lingering with intent at the periphery of your perception (or re-reading them over and over again) is probably not such a good thing.

That brings us to the question at hand:

Why keep diaries at all? And why pass them on to someone else?

Most diaries hold the writer’s deepest secrets that they have decided to keep from their closest friends and family, and often for good reason. If you have spent a long time not disclosing certain things from those people, why would you run the chance of them finding out by accident? There are many ways for this to happen, most likely by leaving a diary lying around, or in the worst case scenario: after you have passed away.

In one case I have come across a lady who held on to her mother’s diaries that had been left to her dozens of years ago with a piece of paper that they should NOT be read. It’s a tricky one: those little books hold the essence of her mother, but her last will (and that’s what it is, really) was for those things not to be read. The question here is to find out why my lady was holding on to them still: out of respect for her mother’s memory and not so much for the content of those diaries? Or out of curiosity? Or out of obligation that she could not possibly throw these books out?

Each one of these and other options hold their own issues and problems, of course. In this particular case we got lucky: we found out that her main reason was that the books were nice-looking and many of them were written in wartime, so there might be some historical value to them. Since my client was more concerned about the usefulness of the books than about her personal attachment, my advice was to find out if a museum or historical society would be interested. Those people reading the books not involve a personal interest in the mother’s affairs, but in the situation at a crucial time in her life.

A way forward?

Suffice it to say, progress was made in that particular case: my client has made up her mind about letting go of the books because she has now realised why she has been keeping the books (not so much out of obligation, but more for lack of an opportunity to ensure that the diaries would make sense to someone) and can move forward and deal with them in a meaningful way.

As you can see, there is more to diaries than ‘just writing things down’. Your intrinsic motivation to start writing informs the reasons for keeping or discarding the writings, after a grace period. As with so many things we keep, emotions take a front seat in our decision process, but diaries hold so much personal emotion that it becomes very difficult to find out what is the right thing to do, and if you are ready for it.

As with other highly emotional items my advice is to figure out correctly what your motivation for keeping them really is: embarrassment, a means to remember, obligation, habit, laziness even? Make sure to find out your REAL reason, because once you are clear about the reasons, finding a way to move forward will be much easier.
Picture
If you have enjoyed reading this, you may find these other articles interesting:
  • Getting to know your books
  • Starting Small
  • Make decluttering a habit!

Comments are closed.

    Ask the ClutterMeister

    Picture
    Hi, my name is Tilo Flache. My mission: help clients declutter mind and space.
    This blog contains pointers for your journey towards a happier living experience.

    If you want to share a post, please add a link to the original post. Thanks.

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    November 2023
    July 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016

    RSS Feed

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
All information refers to Tilo Flache t/a ClutterMeister.  © 2015-2025
  • home
  • virtual services
  • clutteraware
  • speaker
  • clues
    • blog
    • audiovisual
    • publications
    • in the media
    • testimonials
  • contact