Children rooms (3) - letting go of toys

As mentioned earlier, it is important that the child is involved in the decision about removing anything from the play space. That does not take away that you will have to make tough decisions and imposing certain rules, though, as long as you are consistent and reasonable. Also, don't forget that YOU are your child's main showcase example - if you don't follow any of the rules you expect your child to follow, why should they?

Here are some typical steps that should soften the blow…

Start the process without the child

• There is no point in keeping anything that is broken, unusable (those puzzles with missing pieces, etc) HAVE to go, they are trash. However, keep in mind that a doll with a missing leg is NOT broken if your child loves it!
• If your child is too old to play with a specific toy, try to move it to temporary storage quietly, especially if it has not been played with for a while.
• Have a good look at the play space from the child’s point of view. The child wants to play here, preferably with his/her favourite toys. Those should be easily accessible and easy to put back into their home spot. Once you have taken those first steps, it is time to get your kid involved.

Explain to your child that everything has a home spot

• Children understand perfectly well that they have their own room, so why not teach them that each of their toys needs a place to call its own?

Explain to your child that everything has to have a proper home off the floor

• When there is no room left on the shelf, in the drawer, in the chest or elsewhere, we need to impose a choice to keep one or another. Of course, you have to make sure there is enough storage capacity for a reasonable number of toys!

Ask: “Where would you look for this?”

• Surprisingly often, children have a pretty good idea where things should be, so make sure to ask them where they would look for each toy if they can’t see it. THAT’s exactly the place it needs to go, that is its home.

Ask: If there is no more room, ask “Which one would you rather keep nearby?”

• A tough choice, but the one that ‘loses out’ will only be relocated to a less accessible storage for now.

Ask: “Is this stuffed animal for playing with or looking at?”

• If your child just wants them around, but not play with them, you might think about displaying them on a high shelf, the top of a wardrobe, etc. rather than mixing them with the toys to play with.

Ask: “Would you remember you have this if you don’t see it?”

• If the child does not remember a particular toy, it’s likely to be one that is not played with and – more importantly – probably has no emotional attachment to speak of. This is a perfect opportunity to weed out this toy and put it into storage away from the play space and put a date label on each toy.  If a toy is not missed after a reasonable period of time, let it go. Don’t be tempted to keep things indefinitely: once your storage space is full, you have to start getting rid of some of these toys yourself without too much fuss.

Ask: “Would you like to give this away if another child loves to play with this?”

• This is a soft blow approach to letting go: if the child understands that other children may not have as many playing opportunities and you are discussing a toy your child would not even miss if it were gone, this is a good way for them to let go.

Ask: “Will you read this again?”

• Books are always tricky, we want our children to fall in love with books, but on the other hand we do not want them to own every single book in the world. The idea of a limited space for books works wonders here, especially if you have a public library around. This allows for favourite books to be owned, and be exposed to new things through the library.

Of course, there are other approaches and questions you might want to ask your own child. You know your child better than anyone else, so go with your guts on this one...

Whatever you do, don’t try dealing with all the toys at once, in one single session. Just like you are unlikely to get to grips with decluttering your own beloved toys, your child will be no different. Try a layered approach: do cuddly toys in one session, then books in another, deal with cars and trains on yet another occasion. Start with the stuff that you feel your child has the least qualms about letting go. Usually, parents have a pretty good idea what their child likes to play with at any given time – simply because a boy banging that drum all day and neglecting his cuddly toys is very transparent in his preference, as is the girl enthralled with her wooden trainset while the colouring books have been left to rot for half a year.

It’s important to make this a fun and playful process, encourage your child to be honest about their loves and likes and dislikes, listen to them and honour their honesty within the confines of the rules set out above. Be aware that this is an ongoing process and you might hit roadblocks, reluctance and backsliding. Be prepared to repeat the process more than once. In the end, however, not only will you have made some headway in your home, you’ll also have taught your child (and yourself?) a valuable lesson about clutter and how to stay on top of it.

If you have enjoyed reading this, you may find these other articles interesting:

• Children's rooms: clothing
• Afterimages
• Decluttering is not the same as Minimalism