ClutterMeister
  • home
  • clutteraware
  • virtual
  • speaker
  • clues
    • blog
    • audiovisual
    • publications
    • in the media
    • testimonials
  • contact

Asking for help

20/7/2020

6 Comments

 
Picture
Many of us have been brought up to rely on our own good judgement and make sure to be self-sufficient, relying on family for help if needed, but better not make use of that too much. This seems to me to be a very pressure-ridden approach, especially since the way families work today is very different from only 50 years ago.

More and more people live alone, in relatively small homes, and their families further away than just the next larger town. This puts us into ever more of a difficult spot: we rely on friends rather than family members to a much larger degree than used to be the case for our own parents. Worse even: many – especially the older generation – may not have friends in a position to provide assistance when needed, and they have to fall back on social services or the kindness of neighbours and total strangers.
The following content obviously contains generalisations that are solely based on my own impressions while working with clients. Furthermore, most of my clients belong to the older age bracket and have lived in households with traditional male/female task separations.

Now add to this dire situation the internal processes that allow us to even ASK for help when it’s needed. One of the main ingredient of traditional upbringing has been for a long time that we should grow up to be self-sufficient and able to provide for ourselves. In the case of men it was still expected to provide financially for a whole household until not so long ago. Remember those days when men went out to make the money and women were mainly taking care of the household and the children?

Luckily, those times are now behind us for the most part, but many of the 50-plus members of our society have been brought up along those ideals, and even younger generations will not have gotten out of the claws of such ideals completely, if the statistics regarding equality in society and workplace between men and women are any indication.

Why bring this up at all in the context of decluttering? Of course, the way someone is brought up has a huge effect on the way they feel about dealing with adversity and enlisting the support of others. The financial element I described above is no longer prominent, now that women and men share the workspace, if still with distinct differences in remuneration in certain areas of work. That is not the element I’d like to focus on, but rather have a look at the way this particular set of precepts in upbringing affects men’s and women’s likelihood to need and ask for help at home.

Let’s see: traditionally women are more associated with household tasks to start with, where men rather expect to leave these tasks to their partners. Besides having their own friends, women tend to be the social glue for long-term friendships of the couple with outsiders, where men tend to be lone cowboys and have friends they only meet on their own rather than bring them into the fold as family friends. The social goings-on in a household therefore often focus on the mother in the family for keeping the external channels open, and that involves a steady give and take with those other people. I believe that this makes it more likely for them to ask for help when it is needed, be it from family members or friends and acquaintances. There is a social element to how women tend to engage that men often lack.

How about men, then? As mentioned, they tend to have one-way relationships with other men, and none of them are used to ask for favours in most situations. To most men, it feels like a failure to ask for help, where women simply acknowledge a lack of ability and move on to ask someone who is better suited to solve the problem. The way men usually interact outside of the family does not allow for them to show weakness, and that precludes asking for help in the first place. They are more likely to use strategies they have adopted from the workplace, competitive behaviours that are meant to make for a smooth rise in responsibility, income and status at work. And let’s face it: those strategies are not suitable for social interactions with friends.

Furthermore, there is a clear imbalance between the traditional social engagements of women as compared to men: both men and women have friends of their own, of course, but when it comes to shared friends, it tends to be the women who bring those into the fold. There is an element of ‘exchange’ to the women’s approach that men sometimes lack.

I often work with widowers of a certain age, and I have observed that they tend to have fewer social contacts, they fall back on social services often because they simply couldn’t bring themselves to ask for help. Seeking out and accepting my help already was a huge step out of their comfort zone for them that could only happen because they realised that they simply couldn’t go on the way they did before. Our professional relationship aligns better with their way of thinking than having to ask friends or family and show weakness to those who have known them for a lifetime.

Often I find that they have been coasting on systems their late wives had set up, and those systems sometimes relied on outside help they had been happy to ask for, but the men either did not realise their wives had done that, or were unable to replicate those support systems because they had nobody to replicate it with. This is also why most of my clients are women: they are more down to earth when it comes to looking and asking for help. If they don’t know anyone who can do this, they are more likely to reach out. Shame no longer plays a huge role in this, they don’t see this as a failure, but rather a solution to a problem they couldn’t solve themselves.

I’m always amazed at just how much dealing with the stuff that surrounds us relies not only on mental processes but also to a good degree on how someone has been brought up and how their life was lived. It makes my work all the more interesting.
If you have enjoyed reading this, you may find these other articles interesting:
  • Men are sociable in different ways
  • Old habits die hard
  • Recognising mental blockages
6 Comments
Garage Door Services Indianapolis IN link
30/8/2020 11:00:33

garagedoorsindianapolisin.com

Reply
delaneyangelica87 link
4/9/2020 02:13:22

http://indianapolis-locksmiths.com/

Indianapolis Locksmiths|317-520-4486

Indianapolis Locksmiths gives 24 hour locksmith Indianapolis IN inclusion. We generally have educated locksmiths in every case close by and excited to assist you with the entirety of your needs. Our faculty are proficient with all classes of locks. They can help you in joining or turning an exceptional lock on your condo, work environment, store room, or even your car. Call us at 317-520-4486 for master locksmith Indianapolis administration.

At our store close by we are eager to fulfill the entirety of your familys inconveniences and offer you strong locks. No issue with what you are searching for, we are certain that we remember it for our flexibly. We have a wide assortment of locks prepared for your home and can with no difficulty assist you with causing your psyche to up on which type coordinates your home best. This incorporates jolts blend locks. Our extraordinary partners are exceptionally gifted in a wide range of locks and are here to offer you distant support.

Our Services
Emergency Locksmith
Locksmith Services
Local Locksmiths
Mobile Locksmith
Lock smith
Locksmithing
Garage Door Lock Repair
Affordable Locksmith
Lock Replacement
Mortise Lock Set
Locksmith Keys Replacement
Quickset Locks

Reply
aydenjocelyn324 link
4/9/2020 02:14:40

https://locksmithcarmel.com/
Locksmith Carmel | 317-279-4024

Locksmith Carmel is the main Locksmith Company in Carmel Indiana. Peruse this article to find out about our locksmith administration…
Our Availability.
Our crisis locksmith administrations are accessible 24 hours per day consistently, even ends of the week, late night and occasion.
Solid and steady
Our portable lock and key assistance is well-furnished with the serious devices, machines and equipment. So regardless of what sort of lock you are having an issue with.
Privately Based Company
It doesn't make a difference where you are. Locksmith Carmel is a neighborhood locksmith administration that spreads at each spot in Carmel
Our Experience
We have experience surpasses 20 years, and our expert locksmiths we employ must have gigantic experience that causes them to can deal with beginning to end locksmith missions.

Our Services
Lockout
Key Replacement
Change Locks
Transponder Key
Ignition Key
Rekey Lock

Reply
aydenjocelyn324 link
4/9/2020 02:17:47

https://locksmithfishers.com/
Locksmith Fishers | (317) 401-9276
Locksmith Fishers is the closest to you when you face any locksmith issues. We are a neighborhood administration. Along these lines, we will take care of your lock and key issue and give you a high-security administration.

Our confided in locksmiths in Fishers, IN won't just spread all your private, business, or car needs. Yet, they don't leave you till they ensure that everything is great and you are cheerful.

We have been in this business since 2003. For that, we are exceptionally experienced and ensured in this industry. We generally offer you top notch administration you have never experienced with any other individual. We will keep your grin all over. Call us now, and don't be late.

Our Services
Garage Door Repair
24 Hour Locksmith
Emergency Locksmith
Locksmith Services
Local Locksmiths
Mobile Locksmith
Lock smith
Locksmithing
Garage Door Lock Repair
Affordable Locksmith
Lock Replacement
Mortise Lock Set
Locksmith Keys Replacement
Quickset Locks

Reply
jasonjayden238 link
4/9/2020 02:43:58

http://locksmith-lawrence.com/

Locksmith Lawrence| 317-572-7156

We are a full-administration locksmith organization adjusting numerous states and urban communities including your city, and many other nearby urban areas around the US! We give the entirety of your locksmith needs. We have practical experience in a wide range of locksmith administrations from: crisis locksmith, auto locksmith, business locksmith, and private locksmith administrations. We are specialists in all help, establishment, and fix of any locks/Keys ,and safes. With our profoundly prepared locksmith experts accessible to you 24 hours per day, 7 days every week, we handle a wide range of crisis locksmith calls whether if it's for your home, office or auto.

Our Services

Emergency Locksmith
Locksmith Services
Local Locksmiths
Mobile Locksmith
Lock Smith
Locksmithing
Affordable Locksmith
Lock Replacement
Mortise Lock Set
Locksmith Keys Replacement
Quickset Locks

Reply
reidvane link
4/9/2020 02:45:04

http://locksmithwestfield--in.com/

Locksmith Westfield IN | 317-586-8270

Security is extremely fundamental and regularly you may wind up needing it at odd hours. It is extremely insightful to contact our every minute of every day locksmith since you will get the help inside 20-30 min. You can likewise decide to employ all day, every day locksmith to perform various errands that can improve your security. We represent considerable authority in lock picking, lock change and bolts fix. Aside from that, you can call us to keep an eye on your lock and key framework after a theft, seismic tremor or fire.

Our Services
Garage Door Repair
24 Hour Locksmith
Emergency Locksmith
Locksmith Services
Local Locksmiths
Mobile Locksmith
Lock smith
Locksmithing
Garage Door Lock Repair
Affordable Locksmith
Lock Replacement
Mortise Lock Set
Locksmith Keys Replacement
Quickset Locks

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Ask the ClutterMeister

    Ideas to help clear away the mess in our homes and in our minds.
    Feel free to share any of my posts, but please put in a backlink to the original blog post. Thank you.
    Picture
    Join the Declutter Tribe
    Get the  ClutterGazette with fresh tips and tricks each month!
    Sign me up!

    The author

    Picture
    Hi, my name is Tilo Flache. My current mission: help my clients declutter mind and space.

    This blog contains pointers for your journey towards a happier living experience.

    Archives

    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016

    RSS Feed

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
All information refers to Tilo Flache t/a ClutterMeister.  © 2021
  • home
  • clutteraware
  • virtual
  • speaker
  • clues
    • blog
    • audiovisual
    • publications
    • in the media
    • testimonials
  • contact