On Possession and Ownership

"Are you sure this is really yours?"

Possession and ownership are two different sides of the clutter medal: possessing an item simply means that it is in your hands, while ownership means that you have full control over what happens with that item. I know, a bit of legalese here, but bear with me on this one.

Usually, they go hand in hand, but if someone borrows a book from you, they now possess it, while you own it.

This makes for some tricky situations whenever who possesses something makes decisions that are not in line of the wishes of the owner. In fact, this may just lead to a total breakdown in decision-making.

Allowing someone to store some of their belongings in your home may be a charitable thing you do for friends and family, but it comes with some downsides. Especially if you find that those belongings take up space you want to put to good use for yourself at some point. You might consider this is a niche issue, but it’s a lot more common than you think.

A typical situation is a child leaving the home for university or to strike out on their own, but leaving some of their stuff behind. Usually, the child’s room stays the way it is “so that they have a place to stay when they come visit” (which parents always believe is going to be each weekend!). So the room is full of stuff that the child is likely never going to pick up …

Maybe a friend is travelling abroad without a fixed address here, he need a place to store some of his stuff and you offer some room in your loft or spare room for half a year. What if he takes his blessed time and his time abroad turns into 10 years?

Making changes to such arrangements can be difficult: your home is technically filled with stuff you have no control over, but you don’t want to disappoint the people you are helping out. It’s hard enough to deal with your own things, but other people’s stuff involves actions that someone else has to make and you are in no position to force them to do so.

This is decluttering paralysis squared: it’s tough to make choices for your own things, but getting someone else to make a choice is near impossible. It’s helpful to keep in mind the difference between “owning” and “having” and being clear - and occasionally determined - to clarify who is in charge of decisions and actions.

By the way, this is also relevant in a family home that is full to the brim: whose stuff is it, really? You would be perfectly able to make decisions about your own stuff, but what about items that belong to both you and your partner? What about their stuff? What about your children’s? These are issues I come across all the time when one person suddenly starts decluttering someone else’s stuff…