Male crisis points

Midlife crisis and retirement bring crucial changes

Men traditionally tend to work the same job for a long time, maybe with the odd promotion, but rarely involving a drastic change of direction or vocation. This leaves them particularly vulnerable at two points in life: when the midlife crisis hits, and when they retire from their job.

Midlife crisis is usually hits in the late 40s, when men start to wonder if they are ready to do the same thing for another 20 years or so. When retirement hits, the regular daily structure suddenly falls away, leaving a black hole that is hard to fill, particularly if his life had been focused on nothing but work for decades.

Both these situation are obviously different, but they both require a change of direction to ensure good mental health, a sense of purpose and forward movement.

The midlife crisis often sneaks up gradually, frustration builds below the surface and often finds a way out in irrational behaviour against a situation that feels like it cannot be changed gradually. Quitting a job, exploring new relationships, taking on new hobbies (or buying a flashy car) are often the result of that frustration.

Men often find it more difficult to make gentle changes because they only realise what’s happening when slow action will take to long to take effect, so breaking everything and starting fresh looks like the only available option.
Retirement does not come out of the blue like a midlife crisis, but its effects can feel more lasting as a whole chapter of life is over; it’s the “retirement void”. This is not about finding a new way back to what life was like before, but it’s about reinventing yourself completely to deal with a completely new situation.

Both hinge points in a man’s life have common elements that can be addressed, but this ideally has to happen before the crisis hits. A lot of internal work has to be done here to soften the blow of these moments.

For one thing, us men (and I include myself here as I have been there once) have to learn to change priorities when the situation requires it. Trying the same old strategies in an evolving new situation rarely helps. Think outside of the box, ditch the old habits and develop new ones that suit the new you.

For many of us, midlife crisis and retirement lead to a loss of perspective, with only a dark fog ahead of us. It’s important to reorient and find a purpose to strive towards, something that feels fulfilling for the foreseeable future (beyond buying a sports car, that is).

And most importantly, review the way you interact with people. Relearning to make new friends, joining new groups, sharing experiences can be an important tool to fill in that image of a new present and future. Make sure you distinguish the quick fixes from the sustainable changes. And then make them into your new normal.