Living in the sandwich stage

Married with children? Overwhelm is built in...

Overwhelm is not as unusual as you might think, it comes as an unexpected surprise in professional settings, but also in private life. One of the big triggers in private life comes with the expansion of your family: from single person to living with a partner, then add children to this mix and overwhelm is pretty much unavoidable.

When things suddenly get more complex it’s all the more important to explore which options you have and which tools are available to keep everything as simple and clear as possible. So here are some pointers:

Sometimes we have to be reactive to get things done, but it can be useful to let the chaos be, take a step back and make proper plans. We all plan things in a professional setting to be as efficient as possible, but many seem to be blissfully unaware that the same is true in your home. Carve out time in your calendar to calmly look at the issues at hand when you are not in “panic reaction” mode. Being proactive and plan ahead is a lot more productive in the long run and can reduce the instances of overwhelm and just reacting to situations over and over again.

Your partner and family are as responsible for getting things done as you are. If you are the only one who deals with dropped clothes and left out toys, does all the chores and fixes meals on your own, it’s time to rally the troops and find a system that involves everyone. Set up an operations centre so that everyone knows what they are expected to do, and when. That could be a wall calendar, but if all those involved are digitally literate (i.e., have a smart phone), a digital system works too. Be clear about who does what and follow up regularly. Make sure your partner and yourself are pulling in the same direction, though…

Reminders and tick-off task lists, particularly digital ones (see: shared smart phone calendar) are useful to ensure some level of success. Don’t expect miracles, but set yourself up to experience one on occasion.

Lastly, overwhelm often is the result of fixating on getting everything done perfectly. When you are getting overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things to do, perfectionism is not your friend: getting crushed by your own expectations doesn’t help either. You’d be amazed how much regular time for selfcare can achieve in this respect. Addressing your basic needs, relaxing in some meaningful way, and even just taking opportunities to step away from chores and tasks can make all the difference. Allow each member of the family to take time off from the regular running of the household, ideally on their own to maximise distance from the regular day-to-day.

All of this should really be common sense, but I’m surprised how often this needs to be repeated!